WWNPHD?

What Would Neal Patrick Harris Do?


abs.

Damn Pons Asinorum

A John Doe Preamble

What a bridge of asses C.S. Lewis has created (or rather unearthed). Granted, a quick once over of any chapter in the Problem of Pain is clearly a foolish waste of time. However--and to my disdain--after:

• Reading the chapter "Human Wickedness" thrice.
• Placing the class study-guide within effortless arms reach.
• Google searching every Lewis-ism my pathetic vocabulary lacks.
• Jotting down extensive notes and outlines into simple people vernacular.

this chapter continues to twist my brain fibers into a well woven braid of clusterfucktivity. Thankfully according to Lewis my brain braid is proof of my progression toward enlightenment, and constant doubt and frustration over this damn Pons Asinorum is the only way I can begin to escape the fools paradise where so many have settled into stagnant, lukewarm existence.

A Brief Recapitulation

Unfortunately the limited conditions encasing this blog require a chain of assumed notions, and before delving into questions and musings concerning human wickedness these notions must be established and understood (at least to some degree).

Assumption number 1: Humanity is dependent on God.
Assumption number 2: God requires perfection.
Assumption number 3: Humanity is not perfect.

A deductible conclusion: Humanity needs to change. Somehow...
A reasonable question: But why?

Good, we're all caught up. Now that the foundation is set, the dissection can begin.

A Mild Dissection

Alright...uh...

This is more difficult than I anticipated.

I guess I can reiterate the question: Why does humanity need to change?

Lewis answers this with what he believes to be an obvious, Christian-like response. "[Because] we have used our free will to become very bad." However, humanity (being rather stupid) has somehow contrived an ideology of denial. In other words: morality has become relative. In other-other words: Bad doesn't exist.

A reasonable question: But why doesn't humanity acknowledge their innate "badness"?

Lewis dishes out two primary reasons.

(Notice: As a reminder for personal application, I will now switch to a first person perspective.)

Reason number 1: I have developed a warped understanding of kindness.

I have constructed polarized views on kindness and cruelty. In other words, I have convinced myself that kindness is only really good and cruelty is only really bad. With this mindset, I am quick to categorize myself. Of course, I sleep easier knowing that I am kind. Therefore, I must be kind, right? According to Lewis, this generalization isn't quite kosher and my grounds of reasoning are faulty. Ignorantly, I console myself in the fallacy that benevolence is easy. I ostracize cruelty from myself and construct a universe of pure kindness. I think to myself, "I haven't hurt anybody, so I must be kind!" I immediately feel better about myself. At this point, Lewis would point out that my thought process is warped. Instead I must think, "I haven't hurt anybody, but I also haven't helped anybody." I have not sacrificed anything. I've only removed myself from the problem. Therefore, I am not kind.

A deductible conclusion: I must establish a new understanding of kindness.

Reason number 2: I have developed a warped understanding of morality.

I have linked the negative feeling of shame with the act of doing something immoral. In other words, I have convinced myself that the demise of shame will bring about the extinction of morality. With this mindset, I gradually reduce my innate moral discernment. I fudge the lines between what is right and what is wrong. Of course, I sleep easier knowing that I am doing more good than bad. Therefore, I must be good, right? Lewis again reiterates that this generalization is faulty. Ignorantly, I remove my inhibitions and comfortably share my shame with others. Soon I console myself with the realization that my friends also feel a similar shame. I eliminate my individual shame and construct a universe of corporate guilt. I think to myself, "If everyone is shameful, no one is shameful!" I immediately feel at ease. Lewis, again the voice of reason, would remind me that I've twisted reality. Instead I must think, "Everyone is shameful, then everyone is innately bad." I have not become more good. I've only ignored immorality through my comfort in numbers. Therefore, I am immoral. Therefore, I am not good.

A deductible conclusion: I must establish a new understanding of morality.

Granted, admitting my wickedness as a part of fallen humanity doesn't give me the necessary change I expressed above (which leads to my perfection, which God requires, on whom I am dependent). However, this new understanding readjusts my focus. I comprehend the bad. My next step is to comprehend the good (This is apparently the gospel--I'm not sure If I'm convinced just yet).

An Expired Mind

I'm going to be honest, this Pons Asinorum is a bitch. Four hours of writing later and my brain is once again braided (perhaps a little too tightly). All this thinking, and yet I've merely rephrased the words of C.S. Lewis. These baby steps don't show me much enlightenment and I'm still not convinced of my innate badness. At this point, Agnosticism seemed pretty alluring. Then again, it always has.

abs.

What is this, a Hiatus?

Well, I'm back (momentarily). So many things have been bubbling up lately, and I have so much to say concerning these past few weeks. However, at the moment I don't have the time to cohesively organize the trillions of inklings swarming about my head. I'll share a few with you, my dear blog buddies.

• A circle of trust should be reserved for the very elite of friends.
• Following instinct has only two outcomes, but even bold failure is applauded.
• Reading irony is different than seeing irony.
• Sierra Mist and Pickle Chips prove Divine Providence.
• Everything is the outcome of The Great Depression.
• Even Stanislavski was wrong once.
• Criticism is key to improvement.
• Velcro is for stupid people.
• My friends are prettier than yours.

abs.

p.s. Why has no one pointed out the typo in my banner?

Divine Goodness

I'm currently writing a philosophy paper over some of the issues discussed in The Problem of Pain by C.S. Lewis. I've limited my topic to chapter three: "Divine Goodness." Mainly, I want to delve into the comparison of a good God versus a selfish God. But first I need to understand the root of Goodness. I'm merely blogging this to sort and understand Lewis' ideology in order to construct my own.

First a question:

Who is God?

Humanity has many ideas when answering this question. Many of them mistaken and fucked up. I must step outside of myself and my innate humanity to understand that God is the ultimate essence of goodness--perfection. The answer: The originator of Good.

Goodness. Happiness. Lovingness. Although these words have slightly different derivatives, I should think it would be acceptable to categorize them as ultimately meaning Godlike, yes? God is love. God is good. God is happy. God is the epitome and essence of all three. God is also the creator of man--me.

What is my purpose?

God's calling for my life is to become like Him. I am bidden to 'put on Christ' and reflect his truth, his reality. I am made in God's image. The answer: Be God.

Through these questions and answers I can understand that:

God is the ultimate goodness.
God created me in goodness.
I am a reflection his goodness.
I am created to be good.
I am only good if I am God.

...but I'm not God. I'm merely a reflection. So...

Is my perception of goodness and truth different from God's?

Probably. I mean there's no way to really know unless I'm God, and I think we've decided I'm not. However, Christ calls men to repent--wouldn't this be pointless if God's standard of goodness wasn't similar to our own? Following in the ideas of Plato, we can compare our perception to that of a shadow and God's to the actual object from which the shadow is cast. Our goodness imitates God's.

As the creation, I will ALWAYS be the reflection of the creator. My happiness and goodness is merely a reflection of God. In the same way I can not initiate love, but only recreate it. However, because my love is an imitation, my human perceptions of love need to be tweaked slightly.

Perhaps a metaphor might help.?

A man with an empty stomach is hungry. He sees another man's food and desires to be full and satisfied by the food. In the same way, I am empty. I see the goodness in other people and desire to be full and satisfied by it. Love is the result of this desire.

God, on the other hand, doesn't need to be full. He already is full. God doesn't see the goodness in others. God created the goodness in others..

God doesn't want to love. God doesn't need to love. God is love. Therefore His love is a Pure gift.

God has no needs.
I have all needs...according the reality of God (which is truth).

Can I refuse God's love?

Within my humanity I can refuse God's love. But in the same way a man can't put out the sun by scribbling the word "darkness" on his walls, I can't diminish God's glory by refusing to acknowledge him. So...God will remain God even if I don't believe in him (That's promising).

I guess I'm left with three choices then.

1) Become God (this is currently impossible.)

2) Be like God (this means to reflect his truth)

3) Disregard and be separated from God (but ultimately this is considered misery.)

My. Head. Hurts.

A Deliberate Act

I've opened a new post tab probably 20 time this past week, yet I haven't been convinced any of them are worthy of the publish button. I suppose for now they'll reside in my drafts folder until I'm struck by further inspiration. However, I've sworn that I will publish this entry no matter what musings I pursue.

Lists. I like lists. Lists are good, yes? A deliberate act of organizing segments of life. For me, merely the act of making a TO DO list is more of an accomplishment then actually accomplishing the TO DOs on said list. Lists enable a sense of peace...stability. You know? The world is collapsing, people are dying, and God has left us, but I have my DO TO list ready so everything will be okay. Maybe that example is a little morbid. For the record I am in no way comparing the errands of my life to third world hunger and natural disasters, but sometimes a little hyperbole is necessary, right? Currently, my Ical is flooding with color coded lists pertaining to academia, theatre, and other silly temperamental endeavors. Oh, but don't worry gentle readers, I won't bore you with such things. I'd prefer to focus this entry on a different type of list--reflection. Ah, reflection. We know my feelings on reflection, yes? Reflection is a pursued state of mind. Reflection isn't a result of natural assimilation, but must be employed. I've found setting aside time for reflection is difficult, but when I do...life somehow seems easier, more bearable.

A few employed reflections...

• On rare occasion do video games offer comfort.
• This week was that occasion.
• Physical health and domestic health (although not interchangeable) have some correlation.
• There is a strange power that festers when wearing a suit.
• Charm can often create the illusion of talent.
• Friendships can rekindle over the culinary arts, even the most amateur attempt.
• Putting forth the minimal amount of effort only produces a minimal product.
• Some people are satisfied by the minimal.
• Cuddling is a perfectly acceptable activity for a Friday night.
• Love isn't just an occasional wrestle in the park.

These are just a few discoveries from this week. I may add more as my mind continues to wander.

abs.